Which MLBers Would You Want to Punch in the Face?
While neither Coco Crisp or James Shields are likely to lead-off anyone’s list of Major League Baseball players they’d like to sock in the face, we’ll take some of that enthusiasm Shields is showing with that wild right hand and send it towards the face of a dozen or more knuckleheads both past and present. Here is your list of MLBers that are worthy of a good old fashioned face punch. Vote for your favorite at the bottom.
He’s thrown his teammates under the bus, attempted to chase down a commentator, blown-up at umpires on multiple occasions, and even taken verbal shots at fans in every city he’s played for. The man with the board game name is certifiably punchable.
Pierzynski may swing a decent bat for a catcher, but his reputation as a clubhouse cancer precedes his on-field abilities. Kudos to fellow catcher Michael Barrett for slamming A.J. in the jaw after being plowed over by him a couple of seasons back, even if it was overdue.
Papelbon stares down batters with his lips locked in a position that says he’s been sucking on sausage all weekend. The “closer’s” role might be the most overrated job in all of sports, and Papelbon loves it… luurvs it. Let’s see if you can bring it as a starter, until then you’re getting punched.
What makes Dukes so punchable is all that talent that he’s put to waste. I guess you could make a case for those threats he made to kill his wife and kids, too. We can’t even call him the Shawn Kemp of baseball, Kemp was great once and Dukes can’t even hold down a job.
Sheff didn’t know he was taking steroids, he was just rubbing some cream on his arms. Yeah right Gary, and that fan you once fought was the one with the rage problem?
Let’s count the reasons why Alex Rodriguez is worthy of a good punch in the kisser; he’s attempted to swat the ball out of another player’s glove, taken the juice, called for a ball while running the bases, makes more money than most countries, hung a portrait of himself as a centaur in his home, and banged every nice piece of ass on four continents. Oh yeah… and he’s maybe the best player we’ve ever seen.
Schilling was a world class talent on the mound, and we’d probably exclude him from this list if he had just kept his mouth shut. A staunch George W. Bush supporter, Schilling doesn’t refrain from shooting his lips off about anyone, in any sport.
From the school of former teammate Elijah Dukes, Delmon Young is another example of talent gone to waste. He was supposed to bring speed and power to Tampa, instead he swung at everything and ran like a Molina. Young got shipped to Minnesota where he appears to finally be ironing out some of his deficiencies. Of course, there’s always this:
If this one needs any explanation then you’ve clearly ‘mis-remembered’ the past three years.
You have to respect Pedro somewhat for his complete lack of respect for the heads of opposing batters, his ‘eye-for-an-eye’ mentality is nails if you ask us. Of course, he did throw an elderly man to the ground once, so we’d hit him for that, too. It’s up for debate whether or not his little friend is punchable:
Raffy was among the most respected hitters in baseball, fans and media alike came to his defense when Jose Canseco first named him as one of his personal steroid disciples. In the end, the haters got the last laugh. Punch him, punch him hard.
Guillen was blessed with one of the greatest throwing arms this planet has ever seen, unfortunately he was also blessed with the temper of Al Capone. Guillen is finishing the final year of a 3-year $36 million deal with the Royals, which makes him perhaps the richest certifiably crazy person in Kansas City.
Deny, deny, deny. Barry Bonds never took steroids, unless you’re talking about ‘unknowingly’ taking them. Bonds crushed baseballs and home run records while simultaneously increasing his head size and developing the body of the British Bulldog, much to the dismay of baseball fans everywhere outside of San Francisco.
There’s ‘Manny being Manny’ and there’s Manny being a self-serving asshole. We’ll take the latter.
Look, we’re not here to talk about the past either, but Mark McGwire is owed a bevy of knuckle sandwiches for all of the childhoods he ruined on his way to baseball immortality.
We’re not sure “Slammin'” Sammy Sosa ever owned up to taking PEDs, frankly we could care less. When you leave the ballpark early because you’re not in the lineup, and your teammates celebrate by busting your boombox with baseball bats, we’ll take that as a sure sign you’re worth throwing a punch at.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Giambi admitted that he was a juicer so we should all forgive him and award him the Comeback Player of the Year Award. We say bollocks, what did he comeback from? Sucking due to steroids? Nothing will let us forget about the day you turned to the dark side and became a New York Yankee Jason.
If it wasn’t for Jose Canseco, we might never have brought so many cheaters to justice. Consequently, if it wasn’t for Jose Canseco, most of those guys probably never would have learned how to inject themselves with steroids.