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Santonio Holmes Gets a New Job

holmes header 560x315We learned three things about Jets wide receiver Santonio Holmes in 2011. 1) He sucks as a Captain, 2) he isn’t fond of Mark Sanchez, and 3) he excels at whining. With teammates referring to him as a “cancer” and a “quitter,” it’s safe to assume Holmes might be playing elsewhere next season.

We here at Gunaxin are nothing if not empathetic to the plight of millionaire malcontents, so we took the liberty of finding Santonio a brand new job perfectly suited to his unique talents. Ta-da!

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