We Give Thanks

Thanksgiving Table

Thanksgiving’s upon us, and coming with it we fear,

are cheesy sports writers, praising all they hold dear.

Where scribe given to shmaltz, and overwrought prose,

recap the sports year, and it’s highs and lows.

But we aren’t inclined to join in that folly,

while we are thankful, we also are jolly.

For 2012 was a year of full of glee, not of mirth,

no, not the TV show, that shit is the worst.

But of moments in sports, that we will well remember,

at least til the world ends this December.

So we’ve sat down and considered, and taken the time,

to give thanks for our favorite sports moments in rhyme.

We give thanks for Tebow, and his traveling shows,

which brings chaos and dissension, wherever he goes.

Tebow

We give thanks for ‘Bama, though we do from afar,

thankful we didn’t get tea bagged in that bar.

Bama

We’re grateful for kickers, when they get the job done,

and the coaches who freeze them, letting missed kicks get redone.

Reid

We loved that jet dryer, exploding in flame,

though we still believe Danica was the one to blame.

Fire

We’re thankful that Manning was replaced by Luck,

ok, to be honest, we don’t give a fuck.

Luck

But we do love Luck, RG3 and the rest,

of the rookie QBs that are doing their best.

RGIII

That includes Johnny football, the freshman sensation,

whose Halloween pics went and swept the nation.

Johnny

We loved seeing Crosby, back on the ice,

a new hockey season would also be nice.

Crosby

We’re thankful for Lehigh, who beat Duke as a two,

and Norfolk State, which did the same to Mizzou.

Lehigh

We give thanks for Tiger, who finally won,

and put to rest rumblings that his career was done.

Tiger

We will miss Boston Manager Bobby V,

whose meltdowns and failures brought us such glee.

Valentine

And speaking of managers who got fired so quick,

we’re thankful for Ozzie, though he’s a bit of a dick.

Ozzie

We’re thankful for baseball, for so many reasons,

including Mike Trout’s ridiculous season.

Trout

And Miggy’s Triple Crown, a remarkable feat,

one we assume will not soon be beat.

Miggy

For the O’s and the A’s, the Nats and the Reds,

and the triumph of teams that were left for dead.

Nats

For Ichiro in the Bronx, still racking up hits,

and for modern statistics, giving old writers fits.

Ichiro

We’re thankful for justice, and the healing of scars,

and that Jerry Sandusky will die behind bars.

Sandusky

We give thanks for Phelps and Lochte, the bro,

and all of the swimmers who put on a show.

Phelps

For “Hava Nagila” and Aly Raisman’s routine

and Gabby Douglas, the jubilant teen.

Gabby2

For McKayla Maroney, and her “not impressed” face,

which quickly spread all over the place.

Maroney

For Rafalca, failing to bring home the glory,

(we’re sorry for Mitt, who’s now used to that story).

Rafalca

We are happy that we got to see Usain Bolt run,

cause his unmatched speed is still able to stun.

Bolt

We thank the scab refs, for being so bad,

the return of the real guys made us quite glad.

Refs

That Roger Goodell was left looking dumb,

when to their demand, we was forced to succumb.

Goodell

For New York’s playoff collapse, we also give thanks,

cause we love whenever chaos envelops the Yanks.

Yankees

Oh, Kyna Treacy, the lovely young lass,

we thank you for making A-Rod look like an ass.

Kyna

We thank the Terps, for starting realignment anew,

just when we thought that dumb shit was through.

Maryland

Not that we want to see super conferences arise,

but because it prove the NC double A lies.

Playoffs

We give thanks for tailgates, and parties for games,

which gives us an excuse to over indulge without shame.

Michigan

We give thanks for the drunk fans, who star in YouTube vids,

and parents, who exploit their heartbroken kids.

Cry

The morons and fame whores and drunken old fools,

whose video clips embarrass their schools.

Drunk

We thank Notre Dame for not sucking this year,

although we believe your comeuppance is near.

ND

Because if we’ve learned just one thing this season,

it’s that upsets can happen, often without reason.

AM

And finally, we’re thankfully that you stopped by to read,

this over long and poorly written screed.

But this sports year was great, and deserving of  praise,

if you liked this tell my boss that I need a raise.

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