Dear Phil Jackson….
I really don’t mean to leave a letter on your pillow like this, but this is just so awkward. First of all, I had a really good time this weekend and flirting was a lot of fun. There is just no good way to say this. We have decided to go with Mike. I admit that I was excited when you showed me all of the rings. I was taken in when you said what you could do with Dwight Howard’s ego. Quite frankly, for a while there, I was hotter than a June bride riding bareback when you mapped out the triangle with Steve Nash and Kobe Bryant. It’s just that then you got demanding like you know…. you do.
It’s not you. It’s me. I want to give you the world. I really do. I want to relive old times. I just feel like there is no… me… in this relationship. Gosh, I love you and this is the hardest thing I think I will ever have to do in my life. I know that no one is going to understand. They are going to talk about how Mike is ‘all offense and no defense.’ They are going to talk about how you have those 11 titles. Sorry, that one still makes me weak in the knees. But, I have moved on. I am stronger now.
It’s not that Mike is a better coach. He really isn’t. Mike is just not as demanding. Mike doesn’t want to stay at home all the time. Mike is excited about traveling. Quite frankly, Mike doesn’t quite need all of the maintenance and money that you do. We have done this twice before and I just don’t see it as getting any better. Our dalliances get shorter and shorter each time. You wanted what, two years? I just can’t go through that again.
Mike is right for the roster. Pau was so happy. You should have seen his face. Phil, you would have been so proud. Phil, please try to understand. Mike is right for me. Mike is right for the roster. Maybe, it’s just better if we all just moved on. After all, the last time we broke up it really hurt when you acted like you didn’t even know me. I cried for days. I think that was the part I remembered that really killed this whole deal. I love you. I just can’t be with you.
PS – I don’t really want you to drop by, but I would like my, you know… stuff… back.